


The adventure of Oikawa Tooru the condom

by Yvonn



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Gen, im so sorry, oh and also excuse my shit grammar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 10:46:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4603869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yvonn/pseuds/Yvonn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was like "nah, the world needs more traumatizing shit" so here I am<br/>your welcome</p>
            </blockquote>





	The adventure of Oikawa Tooru the condom

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this tumblr post http://shima-renzou.tumblr.com/post/125917728555/

„ Aaaaaah Oikawa I’m so clo-„

„HARU!” Oikawa moaned loudly and then they both came. Oikawa collapsed next to the panting Haru while tooking off the used condom from his dick. Haru turned her body so she could face Oikawa who was occupied with making a knot on the condom. Then he picked up his bag from the floor and started searching.

„Hori, what the actual fuck are you doing?” Haru asked but his husband, Oikawa Hori just shrugged. She sighed loudly and looked at her body. She was lucky they were at their honeymoon or else she should’ve come up with explanations for the hickeys and scratches which her body was covered with. She can proudly say that their first sex as a married couple was probably one of the most amazing ones they’ve ever had. If the start is this good then she can only hope for even better things.

„ Look!” Haru was dragged out from her thoughts by playing wolf eyes with a condom in front of her.

„Hori. What. The. Fuck.” She asked as she moved away from the disturbing object with the even more disturbing eyes. Those eyes made her feel like they can see into her soul and see all the things which she’s hiding.

„Look, it’s our unborn son.” Hori said with a wide grin on his face as he got up from the bed and walked to the bathroom without saying anything else. Haru quickly got up and hurried after him. He tucked the plug in the sink and filled it with water then he placed the condom on the top of the water. The condom had a frightened facial expression while it was moved there. 

„Why did you do that?” Haru rested her face in her palms while asking the question about the floating thing in the sink.

„So Tooru can swim and have fun there!” Hori said like it was the most natural thing on earth.

„…Tooru? Oikawa Hori don’t you dare to tell me you just named a condom after our not-yet-existing-but-will-exist son?”

„But if that’s the truth honey.”

„…”

„Haru?”

„You’re an idiot.”

„I know.”

„But I love you.”

„I know.”

„…Was this a Star Wars reference?”

„…Maybe.” Haru sighed but she was smiling.

„Y’know…” Haru moved closer to her husband and touched his chest with her hand „I think our little Tooru must be really lonely there. We should give him a friend, don’t you think?” Hori blushed but it was only shown for a second before it turned into a smirk and he pushed her wife out the door and closed it behind them.

 

This was the exact moment when the adventures of Oikawa Tooru the condom has begun.

 

„Ugh im so booooooooored!” He sighed as he swimmed his 20th circle in the Lake Sink. He stopped and looked up to the land which surrounded him. There were plenty of strange things like huge trees with neon bodies (toothbrushes) or the hooded figures in black (makeup) but then he found a little ball at the edge.

„I’ll make you mine.” He said as he swimmed there and tried to jump up high enough to reach it. He tried three times before he crashed with the wall of the sink and an orange thing fell into the water.

„I’ll help you out Grand King!” The little orange thing said as he remembered the box’s name where his friend originally came from.

„Oh my, oh my, what a flattering nickname Chibi-chan.” He said as he watched his minion starting to fizz. Chibi-chan – as known as Hinata (at least the box said so) – was swimming with unbelievable speed but his jump was even more impressing than that. He was small but he still managed to catch the ball and pull it down with him. Tooru swimmed there and got the ball from him.

„Ahww thanks Chibi-chan!” He said as he showed his back to the now melting Hinata who said a quiet „Your welcome Grand King” before becoming one with the water and making it orange coloured.

 

So little Tooru spent his time with practicing with the ball. He just practiced and practiced even harder so he could fulfill his dreams. Maybe he was only just a used condom, but he was full. Full of cum, full of himself – as others’d say – but he was also full of big dreams.

At the middle of his hard practicing, a sudden bright light got him blind for seconds which seemed like a year for him. He heard sounds – „Are you serious? We seriously name it after the neighbour?!” - and he was sure the aliens were about to abduct him when suddenly the light disappeared. He was about to sigh loudly when he saw the strange creature in the water, in HIS water.

„This…is…my…SWAMP!” Tooru shouted and threw the ball to the creature what was most likely a dangerous alien what was here to study the beauty of the world by anatomizing his body.

„Auch??!! What the fuck??!” The creature turned and Oikawa almost screamed at the sight.

„Before you’d ask, this is my face.” – The creature said and Oikawa realised that they’re both from the same kind.

„Oh. But still, what are you doing here? Are you trying to practice with my ball so you can be better than me, Oikawa Tooru?!” He asked suspiciously and hold the ball closer to his elastic body.

„Why the actual hell would i do that Asskawa I didn’t even know who you are till i got there.” 

„Who are you by the way?”

„Iwaizumi. I only have this name.”

„Ahwww, Iwa-chan so lame, only has one name!”

„Shut up Trashkawa.”

Tooru was about to tell a cheeky comeback when the door opened again and strange creatures came in.

„Im sorry Hori but we really have to throw them in the trash can because I don’t want the cleaner to be traumatized for life.”

„Alright-alright, I’ll take them out while you pull out the plug.” Hori picked the two of them from the Lake Sink and carried them in his hands.

„Iwa-chan, the aliens are abducting us and I don’t know how to feel about this because I’m not sure if they’re the good or the bad ones!” Tooru cried and Iwa-chan sighed.

„Shut up dumbass you shouldn’t even consider not being freaked out when you’re being kidnapped!”

„B-but…”

„No but.”

„But it’s a butt! Right in front of me! Iwa-chan it’s ruining my pureness!” Hori put them on the table while he moved the trash closer.

„What pureness? The Devil has more pureness in them than you.”

„Wow rude Iwa-chan. Right in the kokoro. Now my kokoro is brokoro.”

„…” Hori came and picked them up again while letting out a loud sigh.

„Im so sorry but I have to do this. I love you guys I hope you know that.” He said as he let go of the two condoms. They reminded him of birds which were smoothly flying down to the earth, not caring about all the planes that crashed because of them. Iwa-chan and Tooru looked at each other as they were falling into the darkness.

„I’m home.” Tooru said as they finally fell into the trash can.

**Author's Note:**

> rip hinata


End file.
